A Statement Left Behind
by JayleeJ
Summary: In the unlikey event that I perish from this earth, I have a few things to say... -Sasuke-centric-
1. Dear Fangirls, Orochimaru and Manda

**A/N:** Here's my new story! -cheers- . I'm most likely gonna do two or three recipients per chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

-J

Disclaimer:Yes! Naruto is mine! My name is Jaylee Kishimoto and I own everything! -hides from lawyers-

**.-.0oOo0.-.**

One day soon perhaps, a fatal kunai will hit me in the artery or something. I'm not Superman Sasuke you know. (but hell…I'm pretty damn close!) The prospect of me dying is actually very realistic.

So before I leave, here's what I have to say…

And even if I don't die…here's what I have to say anyways.

**.-.0oOo0.-.**

_Dear Fangirls._

_I hope you all rot in hell. Actually, no, you __**will**__ rot in hell. For stealing my shirts. For stealing my boxers. For selling them on ebay. For those weird ass tribal rituals you have in my name. For all the children you sacrificed at said rituals. For crashing my wedding. For writing horrible fanfiction about me. For writing __**good**__ fanfiction about me. For pairing me up with the dobe. For serenading me while I train. For trying to kidnap me. For making those stupid plushies. For cosplaying me like an idiot. For videotaping me in the shower. For placing said video on youtube. _

…_I don't give a shit how many views it has!_

_I'm an asshole to all of you! Why the hell do you like me?! Please, please stop liking me. Please._

_Just to let you know, I threw out all of the obento boxes you nutcases gave me…_

_Except for the girl who kept making the fried rice with tomatoes. You can actually cook._

_Yeah yeah, feel special hoe._

_And those lovely Valentine's day cards you give me everyday of the year?_

_Just know they make good firewood._

**What I leave behind for you**: _A bomb. Go die._

_-Sasuke._

**./\-.-xXx.-.-/\.**

(Hehe, I made this up myself! Being a prodigy does have it's perks…)

_Dear Orochimaru._

_Go perish in hell with my fangirls. You are a sick, sick, sick man. I wasted 3 years of my life with you. And your experiments. And your goddamn snakes. And braiding your hair!_

_After I kill Itachi, your ass is next._

_You tried to rape me. Multiple times! I know you want my body, but still!_

_I didn't know you meant…like that._

_You tricked me you son-of-a-bitch!_

"_Let's evaluate our snakes, eh Sasuke-kun?"_

_WTFZOMG!!_

_You wouldn't happen to be a Catholic priest, would you?_

_Why don't you have fun with your Harry Potter skank Kabuto, and evaluate your 'wands' together._

**What I leave behind for you**: _A bomb. Hopefully the same bomb that kills my fangirls._

-Sasuke

**./\-.-xXx.-.-/\.**

_Dear Manda_

_Aww, hey Manda-Panda. If I end up dying, just know that Sasuke wuvs you._

_And stay the hell away from Orochimaru._

_There are some snake-snacks in the basement._

…_ask Sakura to get them for you…_

**What I leave behind for you:** _a life time supply of Scooby Snake Packs. Go crazy_.

-Love Sasuke.

ooo00000ooo

Short and sweet, ne? Each chapter will be like this. XD Anyways, check out my newly updated story 'The Marriage Counselor' if you have a min. to spare! XD. It'd mean a lot to me! Have anyone you want to see in particular? Say it in a review or PM! I might even do characters from other animes!

…minxtrain…I'll be emailing you soon!

Love always, JayleeJ


	2. Team X

**A/N:** Here chapter two of a story that will be updated sporadically. The Marriage Counselor is my main focus right now, and it's probably one chapter away from finishing. However…I have changed this story a little bit. It will no longer be only Sasuke-centric. But…this chapter still kinda is. Well, not really. Anyways, enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Naru-chan and his buddehs are not mine. Sasuke is mine in spirit though. Only in spirit…

**What Jaylen is listening to right now:** Nine in the Afternoon--Panic! At the Disco.

What are YOU listening to? Tell me in your review if you want, we might listen to the same stuff, lol.

_.:_o**O**o--**X**o**X**o**X**o**X**--o**O**o_:._

A tall brunette walked into Sasuke's backyard, where her underlings stood waiting for her entry. As soon as they heard the fence creak open, the girls abruptly ended their conversations, her new presence bringing about a forced silence. The brunette narrowed her eyes as she spoke with a tone of hard professionalism.

"Alright, you all know your assignments." she said, pacing slowly between the girls. "Section F; follow Sasuke-chan to the market. Document the cuisine substance he purchases." A blonde girl scratched her head.

"You mean…write down what he buys?" The brunette in chare glared.

"Yes, you simpleton." The blonde frowned.

"…Fine…" She made a hand motion for her group to follow her.

The menacing brunette snapped towards another group of girls. "Section D; deduce what are Sasuke's personal food likings from what Sakura forced him retrieve. You shall meet up with Section F at the market in approximately ten minutes." A short girl raised her hand.

"What is it Johnson?"

"Captain, our section head is sick." The brown-haired leader sighed.

"…Very well. Avery, be the temporary section head until McCoroy returns." A pretty blue-eyed girl nodded, signaling she understood.

'Yes ma'am." She and six other girls left Sasuke's backyard. The three remaining shared a knowing expression and locked eyes on the brunette.

"You three, Section X…"

"Yes Captain?" She sighed.

"…You come with me."

"I can sense the difficulty this mission already," said one of the girls, putting her super-spy shades on. "…this danger...is grows tiring…" The leader put a condoling hand on the girl's shoulder.

"Yes, I know," said the captain, sadness etched in her voice. "…but this is the life we've chosen to live…the life of the fangirl."

_.:_o**O**o--**X**o**X**o**X**o**X**--o**O**o_:._

Sasuke trudged into his room smelling strongly of grass and sweat. Training was awfully intense with Naruto that afternoon. He had to admit…though Naruto was indeed a dobe in ever aspect of the word, he was also a formidable fighter. Sasuke sported as many cuts as he did. Then, to make his hard day even better, crazy fangirls followed him all over the market, 'accidentally' bumping into him, etc…

Fangirls really should die. They have no life. They--

"Snuck into my house…again!" yelled Sasuke to no one. Sakura was pulling a nightshift at the hospital. He opened up the pink and red note tied to his bed, smelling heavily of perfume.

_Dear Sasu-chan._

_While we, your loyal admirers were doing our routine…inspection of your lovely home, one of my girls found a letter addressed to us in the horrible event of your death. Since we are polite young females, we have written a reply. Also, please stop heightening security around your house…it makes us think you don't love us. D:_

_Love, Team X_

"X for extra pain in my ass that I want to Chidori violently…"

_First off, we are **very** honored that the first people you address in your…will of sorts, is us, Sasuke-kun. (heart, smiley face)_

_Rot in hell? What? Did you write this Sasuke-kun? You've never wished us ill before. We bet it was that bitch Sakura, wasn't it? She made you write it. What a whore. We think you should leave her manly ass right away!_

_…we never stole your shirts. You gave them to us. You KNOW we do our…inspection every Wednesday and you KNOW we like high collared shirts. You left them on your bed as a present to us that Wednesday, remember?! Silly Sasu-chan._

_…weird rituals? Those are ceremonies of our love for you Sauske-kun!...yes sacrifices must be made but they're all for you! Does the fact that we are willing to sacrifice small children in your name not show our significant love?_

_…we did not 'crash' your wedding. We just happened to be in the area is all. Mere coincidence._

_…ALL of our fanfiction is beautiful! You and Naruto together is just SO KAWAII and sexy. But you're the sexier of the two, so don't feel bad._

_…Oh don't front, we know you love our beautiful voices. Name a better way to train then training with the singing of angels?_

_…Okay, we're SORRY for trying to kidnap you. How any times to we have to apologize, geez!_

_…Plushies are cute._

_…and we're sorry for videotaping you in the shower. But really, it does have over 3 million views on youtube. We should get some kind of thanks for making you an internet star!_

_Your not an asshole to us sweetie. It's just how you show your love…don't feel bad. _

_We will love you forever!_

_You threw out our obento boxes and Valentine's Day Cards? You clumsy clumsy boy! We'll just have to make you some more!_

_The tomato girl? THAT'S ME!!_

_Anyways, go to sleep, we know you're tired. We know everything._

_Your Dearest Lovers._

_.:_o**O**o--**X**o**X**o**X**o**X**--o**O**o_:._

Okay, I was really bored. 'The Marriage Counselor' is coming out soon. As soon as I send it to my beta, lol.

Bye! See you soon!

-JayleeJ-(Jaylen. xoxoxo)

PS...for some reason I am SO in love with the new page dividers i've come up with, lol.


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